During one of our birthing classes at the hospital, the instructor handed out a set of cards. Each card had a different "birth plan" scenario/option on it. She asked us to eliminate the 2 least important things from our pile. I'm sure we took something like mood lighting away. We continued eliminating 2 cards until there were only 2 cards left in front of us.
"Healthy Baby"
"Healthy Mommy"
I thought to myself, "of course that's what I want, but I also really want _________ and _______ to happen because that would make things easy and that's how I'm planning on things going".
Initially, I would have told you that nothing went as planned. Until I remembered that birthing class and those cards. In which case, it all went as it should have. As I type, my sweet little baby is in her swing making the cutest little noises and that is exactly what I wanted.
Here is a very short version of how I thought things would go:
I thought I would go into labor on my own and labor at my house until my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. At that point, I would go to the hospital and hopefully be dilated to at least a 4. I would be admitted. My doula would come and help me labor the rest of the way. I would walk the halls, bounce on a ball and work really hard to get that baby out without any medication. It would hurt really bad. It would be an incredible experience. My baby would come out pink and crying and then I would cry with her. We would settle down in a recovery room for a couple days with a relatively comfortable recovery for myself and then go home a couple days later floating on cloud 9 with my sweet baby and dear husband.
I planned for all of the above. I planned and prepared to the best of my ability and then I waited.
And here is the really long version of how things actually went:
Monday January 21 (MLK day): I had my weekly Dr appt after school (teacher workday for me). The Captain was able to go with me because it was a holiday so no work or school for him. The nurse took my blood pressure and it was 155/110. I'm usually very normal and so I laid on my side and we chatted with my doctor for a little while before she took it again. Still really high. My doctor decided to admit me to the hospital for a 24 hour urine check because high blood pressure at my point in pregnancy could be an indicator of preeclampsia (and if you watched that Downton Abbey episode, you understand why that would be a problem!) I cried the entire way home thinking, "I'm not ready for this!" and "how could I have preeclampsia, I'm super healthy! I just went to the gym a few days ago!" Regardless of my crying, we were on our way and I decided to relax. Things were probably going to be just fine.
And they were. I had a small amount of protein in my urine at the end of the 24 hour urine collection, but not enough to be induced so my Dr sent me home on bed rest till Miss E decided to make her appearance.
Bed rest wasn't that bad. I had to lay in bed all day watching tv and reading books. Shoot me right?I've decided that's how I want to spend the last week of every pregnancy--and how every over due pregnant woman should spend theirs as well. I even got a "bed rest birthday party" thanks to the Captain!
I went to bed on my birthday (Thursday) feeling a little different. My back was hurting and continued to hurt throughout the night. I kept waking the Captain up asking him to put pressure on my lower back. Eventually I didn't even have to ask. He would hear me moving and just immediately put his hand on my back. Good husband :)
At about 4am I decided to just get up and go to the couch to watch TV since I wasn't really sleeping. The back pains were becoming more frequent and once I moved to the couch, I noticed that my stomach was hurting at the same time that my back was.
Hmmm....maybe these were contractions.
So I started timing them.
Sure enough, they were contractions coming anywhere from 5-10 minutes apart, but still pretty regular. The Captain left for the gym around 7 am and on his way out the door, I told him that I thought I was having contractions but not to get too excited because I could have them for a couple days before anything would happen. My request didn't help. He was so excited and bounced off to the gym instructing me to call him as soon as anything changed.
After catching up on all my morning shows, I hopped in the shower (which slowed the contractions down), ate a good breakfast (hoping it would be my last meal before the baby came) and headed off to a routine "over due" non stress test at the hospital.
Everything and everyone was fine at the non stress test. E's heart rate was great and the nurse/technician informed me that I was having contractions 6-7 minutes apart. I let her know that I was aware of that and that I was hopeful that the baby would come sometime this weekend.
After that appointment, the Captain and I decided to grab some lunch at our favorite local pizza place (again thinking/hoping it would be my last meal and boost of energy before the baby came). Everyone commented on how pregnant I was as I stuffed my face with a delicious calzone.
Really? You don't say...I almost forgot I was pregnant till you mentioned it. Thanks pizza place people for reminding me :)
We had a good laugh and headed back home to labor some more. Eventually the Captain reluctantly had to go back to class. My contractions were still around 5-7 minutes apart and I assured him that I would let him know when he needed to come home.
He still texted me every 20 minutes.
"Any changes? Should I come home?"
Finally around 3:30 pm, my contractions went to about 4 minutes apart and I decided to have him come home thinking we would probably head the hospital relatively soon.
And apparently he received shouts and cheers as he left class. Everyone, including his professor, was super excited for the Dad-to-be.
I had been texting my doula all day and when my contractions bounced to 3-4 minutes apart, she suggested we start making our way to the hospital. You've never seen such frazzled almost parents. I was trying to update my phone and clean it off to make room for pictures of E---finishing a load of laundry---picking up the house---stopping only to sway through each contraction. The captain was running around packing again. We decided to eat something really fast and then finally drive to the hospital.
I wish I had a picture of us in the car. In between contractions, we were both beaming with excitement. We had been anxiously waiting for this drive for months and it was finally here!
We got to the hospital around 5pm. My doula was waiting for us and again, the excitement was thick. We got set up in the room that I would later deliver in and a nurse checked my progress. After a night and a day of laboring, I was at a big fat 1.
A 1.
As much as I tried not to be, I was disappointed. I knew that with my high blood pressure, they weren't going to allow me to labor on my own for days on end progressing at this slow rate. I think my doula could see it in my face and turned to both the Captain and I. "Guys, I think your birth plan has just changed"
And for some reason, that made things better. Like exciting better. Like..."ok, that's ok. just tell me what to prepare for".
But how do you prepare for something you have never experienced?
An hour later, the nurse checked me again and no surprise, I was still at a 1. I told them several times, "My mom was the same way, she didn't dilate until her water broke." But they couldn't break my water until I was progressed more so I was out of options. I needed to just trust my Dr.
Who decided to admit me and help move labor along faster. My high blood pressure was a concern. The 1 time I got on a ball to labor, my BP skyrocketed and I was back in bed, on my side a minute later.
This meant I needed pitocin.
I say "needed" now but I was very upset then. As soon as the nurse said "pitocin", I started bawling. I kept asking if I had to and what it would feel like. I told her I was hungry and she said I could eat something quickly before she started me on pitocin, so I sent the captain on a food hunt. He came back with a chicken salad sandwich that I downed without even hesitating. I think I was nervous eating and stalling at the same time.
Eventually, I got myself together and started pumping myself up. I think I called my mom to let her know what was happening and she reminded me that I had once ran up the side of a mountain in record time and like that, I could do this.
I don't think she understood how much I needed to hear that.
At 8pm, they started the pitocin and my 2-3 minute contractions suddenly became very different. I went from being able to breath and work through each contraction, to sobbing and begging the Captain to make them go away. They only lasted about a minute, but they were awful. Some women can labor unmedicated on pitocin, but I quickly realized that I was not going to sanely make it through this night without some help. Feeling very defeated, I asked the Captain to get the nurse because I wanted to order the epidural. And then I stared at the crack at the bottom of the door waiting for the feet of the anesthesiologist to appear.
20 very long minutes later, a very nice man walked in and I started crying again.
I could not get it together. Every contraction was becoming almost unbearable. I wanted the epidural so bad but was completely terrified to get it.
He walked me through a series of questions (where I bragged about not having any nausea my entire pregnancy only to throw up my entire chicken salad sandwich minutes later) and then walked me through the process of getting an epidural---the whole time I was thinking, "great, sounds awesome, let's get this going". And he did. Still feeling defeated that I wasn't doing this naturally like I hoped, I decided I needed to say something:
"I just want everyone to know that one time I ran up a mountain...ok!"
Somehow, that justified everything. And I was finally smiling. And everyone around me was laughing. And for the first time in this whole process, I thought, "everything is going to be just fine".
Laughter. It really is the best medicine.
Pretty soon, we decided to get some rest. It was about 9:30pm at this point and neither one of us anticipated her coming before 7 am. I tried sleeping, but how much can you sleep when you know that you are about to push out a baby soon? It was more like, sleep....catch up on instagram time for me while the Captain slept for a couple of hours.
Around 11:30pm, the nurse came in to check my progress and surprisingly, I was already at a 6! E's heart rate had dropped a little with the pitocin, so they decided to stop it and let me progress on my own.
The next couple of hours were spent exchanging life stories with our doula, eating popsicles, and enjoying our last few kid-less hours. So much was going through my head...what would she look like, how much would she weigh, would she have hair? I told the Captain that I really wanted her to have his lips because why would I want to curse her with my 2 bottom lips?
Around 2 am, I lost track of the time. But around that time, my Dr came in and checked me. I was at an 8, almost 9 and she was ready to break my water. Yay! She broke my water and discovered that little miss E had already passed her meconium (her first poop).
Right after she broke my water, E's heart rate started to drop. I had a great epidural that allowed quite a bit of leg movement, so I rolled to both sides in an attempt to get her heart rate back up. It didn't work, so to all fours I went. This was probably the scariest part for me. I remember being on all fours, my doula telling me to breathe because I was giving her oxygen and then listening to her very slow heart beat. It had been so fast and lively all night and then suddenly it was at a crawling pace. I remember hearing someone say it was at 60 beats per minute and within 30 seconds, all the lights were on, my dr was gowning up and the room suddenly had a lot more people in.
But then her heart rate jumped back up and everyone took a big deep breath.
My Dr told me that we could take a little more time, but that I was already at a 9.5 and she thought it would be best to get her out sooner than later. She could stretch me the rest of the way if I would do the pushing.
2 sets of pushes and E's heart rate drops to 45.
I saw my doctor grab what looked like giant salad tongs and told me she was going to be using forceps to help E out.
Then I pushed some more as she pulled my sweet baby E out.
She also performed a small (actually I don't know how big but I'm telling myself small) episiotomy on the tear that was already happening.
I saw hair and I couldn't stop saying, "She has hair!"
She was also covered in green goopy meconium and she wasn't breathing. The chord had been wrapped around her neck and there was a pretty tight knot in her chord. Not even seconds later, she was in the corner with a NICU team for what were probably the longest moments of my life. My doula was telling the Captain to breathe because he wasn't. He was just staring at our not breathing baby. I was staring at my Dr hoping she would say something about how this happens all the time, but she just kept asking for someone to let us know when she was pink.
And then I heard the sweetest piggy grunt I ever heard.
And my little E started crying.
And the Captain was breathing again.
Little Miss E
Born at 3:03 am on January 26, 2013
6 lbs 9 oz
21.5 inches long
They put little E in my arms and I couldn't stop staring! It was an incredible moment. I immediately saw her Daddy's lips and my little nose. Her hair was so black, I was shocked! Her skin was so soft, and I just wanted to kiss her all over.
Everyone was happy and healthy. Exactly like we had planned.
I don't think I understood the magnitude of what happened in E's delivery until later that day when my Dr came to check up on me. She asked if she could hold E and then started to tear up. She said that she went home and continued to reflect on what happened earlier that morning. Had she done everything right? After going over everything that happened, she truly felt like my choice to get an epidural (she knew I wanted to do deliver E naturally) saved my baby's life. If I hadn't been under anesthesia when her heart rate dropped to 45, she would have had to call an emergency C section and she didn't think there would have been enough time to get me under and to get E out.
Now we're all crying. Me. The Captain. My Dr.
Through tears, I told her about my decision to change Dr's when I was 22 weeks pregnant. I searched around and asked lots of friends for recommendations and every time someone mentioned her name, I knew she needed to be my Dr. It just felt right.
And now I know why I felt so inspired. I will always be so grateful for my Dr who helped bring E into this world safely. Not saying that another Dr couldn't have helped, but I know that for some reason, both E and I needed Dr. Hook.
Like my doctor, I've also thought a lot about how everything went down. I'm amazed at how my body prepared itself for what E needed. If I wouldn't have had high blood pressure, I most likely wouldn't have gotten on pitocin. If I wouldn't have gotten on pitocin, I probably wouldn't have gotten the epidural. If I wouldn't have gotten the epidural, I might not be listening to my little E's sweet noises as I type.
I love this little girl so much. More than I can possibly describe.
So to sum up a very lengthy post...Here is what I learned from this entire experience:
- The human body is amazing. Trust it.
- Prayers bring forth miracles. A few of our friends told us about some prayerful experiences they had Friday night while I was in labor---specifically for E and me---and I know they were needed. Thank you.
- Planning and Preparation are essential. Even though we didn't get the "natural" birth that we hoped for, our preparation for that kind of birth helped us through the birth experience we did get.
- Babies are awesome. You should get one if you don't already have one because they are kind of the cutest, softest, bestest little things around :)
Congratulations! You made it through the longest birth story ever! Go eat a cookie to celebrate :)
{Sallie}
Photos of E credit to Joleen Kremin. Thanks for taking these sweet pictures!
follow me on instagram to see more pictures of E @seesallierun